不是不孝 只是我的心已经麻木了

I don't know how to do to make you satisfied! Like this also cannot like that also cannot. So what if your my mother, everybody have their human right. If what your saying is right, i wont even care to utter a word with you. But if it's not, then i have to rebutt! Fair enough? /in your eyes what kind of daughter am I ? Why you can be so unreasonable and fking make all people don't like you! It's not that i'm cold blooded now, its because I'm numb already/ everything. numb for everything. Everything that u make me so loathe. I don't wanna talk to you or see you! I disappoint you, you disppoint me too. I hate this family to the core! Better chase me out asap, i cant wait to leave this house of hell! bye! fking no mood this few days! everything just screwed up. And I'm so tired. I miss my dad. But i can't & don't wanna go find him. whattF can i do? Helpless at all time...I cant& don't dare tell anyone my fear. typing down all this stuff for what, make me feel better? But if i dun release it out somewhere, i think i'm gonna break down soon.

I was super bored at home as bro is using the com, while I'm doing nothing. Lock the room, I go search for my make up pouch, took out the Chanel eyeliner that dear gave me and did this. Camwhoring alone infront of the mirror..kinda lame..This is my first time doing such torturing things to my eyelids. Omg, did my eyes becomes bigger? *blink blink* haha.. lame.

Short day.

Refuse to wake up, so I slept till 2.30pm. Long time never sleep until so late already, half day was gone like this. Wake up and prepared, then rush to northpoint to meet shan and na. Sakae sushi again..........kinda sick of it already. So we eat,chat, laugh.. etc, After that walk around at northpoint and slack at shan's house. We bought this apple thingy from popular and start fixing it.Spend 1hour+ on that, so tough lor. Got this kind of contentment when i finished it. So happy & excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't know where to hang/place it now, it's FRAGILE! jkjk. Scare that it may broke easily. Okay that's all. I'm so happy today :) AND, MX cheer up okay.♥♥!

1 year & 1 month.

It's another 23rd of the month. This feeling of special is fading off.. Everytime i was so looking forward to the 23rd to arrive, because it's our big day. Its so special for us. However, with all those quarrels and unhappiness coming along our way, somehow something was missing between us and bad impression was building up. Though I am still smiling infront of you but my smile doesnt really last long. :( I don't like this feeling. Boohoohoo! Happiness is not with us anymore. Whenever you give me hope, it'll always be taken away soon after we quarrelled. Are we really not suitable for each other? I don't wish to admit that. you have really understand me all this while, except for one simple fact you can't understand. You don't know what I need the most. & Your temper is really unpredictable. I don't know how much have I understand you. But whenever I see you cry, my heart melts. When i see you acting all sorts of childish stuff infront of me just to make me smile, my heart melts. Hopefully, our relationship is moving towards better but not worst.Ily.

It's a bad bad day.

We're drifting away day by day..I can't see you.

BFF. love to the max!

During friday we (shan,dan,na&me) slack under shan's block and had a small drinking session. Super high though we din drink much. Had truckloads of fun with shan&dan.You guys rock my sock!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ LEts have more drinking session next time. shhhhhhh don't let my mum know it k :D

是爱还是依赖 我分不清ろ。我们既陌生又熟悉。

How am i suppose to keep myself strong again.

It's suppose to be a super wonderful day out at east coast park with dear,shaobing,xiaoxue&XYL. But at the end of the day, we quarrel over a peanut matter. All because of your fking selfishness. and You bloody leave me alone in the bus all the way from marine parade to AMK. Where are you when im crying like an idiot throughout the whole journey back home. What am i to you. Utterly disappointed in you.! I had enough, seriously! not gonna treat this lightly like i do in the past.!

I miss you.

I can't believe that I've been staying at home rotting for the whole day, to me staying at home equal wasting time and energy. Want me stay at home face the computer might as well give me big sum of money to go out eat whole day or go for a movie marathon. I also don't why I must go out everyday one until it becomes a habit now. No matter i got money or not as long as i can get out of my house. I can go anywhere, loitering alone isnt a problem. I've got a big big ulcer in my mouth, thus i've difficulties in opening my mouth wide. Because when i'm eating I dont use to have a small bite, I would like to open my mouth big and have a spoonful of food. Sorry I am like this. When the ulcer disappear I'm going to eat sakae with boyf! Plus alot alot of other good food! YES! no matter how much I eat I'll still remain so thin. Don't need to envy me cause it's not something to proud of I think. I always fall under the underweight category ever since primary school. WTF. I eat alot, but i wonder where does all those food went? Its not in my shit then where does it go,good question. Sound so stupid typing all these rubbish down here. I'm running out of word already. Today there's nothing special happen so got nothing to update about. Btw, i seriously need a new phone badly. Hate to use the current one. I'm sick of it now. Bored to the max! My salary use until 7788 already, T.T on top of that my mother not giving me allowance leh. What should i do, eat myself? Grandfather is coming to singapore next week. wooooots! So happy, I also don't know I so excited for what. Bye, I'm tired already. Shall turn in now.goodnight!

Get me outta singapore please!

Damn boring so i went to picasa and do this. Pardon me for being so ZI lian =x I've just got nothing to do. okay, this will be the wallpaper for my new lappy. It's my labtop what so i can put whatever i want there,HA!HA!HA! It's so full of CL.~ Love it! Hopefully can get the money and buy the labtop asap la! Can't wait already, my patience are running out soon. Urgh. andandand the samsung corby, When will you be mine??????????? Sigh, it's just the matter of money. If i got the money now i'll chiong to the shop and grab one home. Today I accompanied Daphne to bugis the Sim ling square if i'm not wrong, to buy her labtop. She bought the LG one which met the expectation at affordable price. I'll be getting the Dell one in these few days or next week, i trust what dearest zhouzhou says. She told me to buy DELL. -.- I must "obey" her if not later she'll scold me until very @!##$##, nah joking only. Partly was because that dell have many colour to choose from. The red one will be my choice, though i would like to have a green one. But, nah..Have you ever see anyone carrying GREEN labtop before, at least i haven't. It doesnt look nice right. I can't even afford to buy the Fujitsu one, let alone those sony and Hp one, too expensive for me.Then the acer one I don't like their design&colour. sorry I didn't know that i can be so fussy when comes to this thing. And i'll tend to keep comparing the prices with the other shops. It's good habit can. Learn it now if not you'll eat loss one day.

I miss China so badly :(((((((((((((((((((((((((( It's the only place where i feel so freedom. Only place to let me forget about all those worries and unhappiness around me. I miss my cousins, the town,the mini public bus, the roadside stores, the stingy chinese people and many more.

Show you one of the pics i took with bro in china before i call it a day. Picture tells a thousand words.

TADAH!:

P/S: Love this song(korea) in my blog so much!

Samsung corby. I'm getting the pink one next month! Love it!

Yesterday went to na's hse for her birthday celebration. Alot of people & food over there.. Of course we had fun and I enjoyed myself too. Love the water boom session, HAHA. and playing games with qing and gang after most of na's friends make their way home. Taken truckloads of pictures with them.(waiting for shan to upload in her fb). After that we walk to shan's block and slack. Cam whoring with them,play poker cards,chit chatting! &the guys bought food for us at night market :D It've been months since the whole group of us had spend time together like this. Though we were merely slacking as usual but i prefer to be like this rather than going Kbox or eating. Love them to the super max!

Back to today, Shan meet me in the morning for Mac breakfast. I thought why she out of sudden so nice because from what I know, she wont behave like this especially when she go Mac eat breakfast she'll always stomach ache for sure. Yuan lai is because her friend was working at Mac today. Wth -.- But too bad we were been chased out by the manager when we've finish our food as they say we can't use labtop at mac cos many people can't get their seat. HAHAHA! so we move to starbuck. Jio dandan to come over too. She's like suddenly so engross in shan's labtop and when shan told her the price and etc. It tempt her to buy also. Guess what, right after that we really accompany her to harvey norman and she bought a lappy! Nice one. happily bought her lappy then supposed to register the mobile broadband also. She never bring her IC out. Okay, so we accompany her walk home to take, along the way it starts to rain. What the fish! When we reach her house it's still pouring so we slack at her house until rain stop. Shun bian cut my fringe too at the salon under her block. Afterwhich went to eat dd's favourite noodle & i treated them CHILLY CRAB too. Seriously I don't like the taste. Successfully done her mobile broadband etc after that. I wanna buy Samsung corby next month with Shan. OhMo! So high! The camera only have 2Mp leh, but who cares, i got my own camera is enough already.! Shan went home afterwards while I went to dd's house. Not to rest& slack but to help her with the lappy. The inbulit webcam is damn awesome, got so many funny effect. We jitao laugh until like nobody's business. Stay at her house till 8pm+ Then I went home niao. So I'm here typing.

What If... Every day was treated like a new beginning? Where grudges, bitterness, unforgiveness, and worries died the moment your head hit the pillow.

Bake bake bake!

Baked cookies at Mx's house, love it!

I can feel that our r/s are getting better & I've see that you're trying your best too. Lately we had so many hardcore quarrels EVERYDAY. and this make me really lost confidence in you or rather Us. But i think if both of us can make the effort to keep our r/s strong, everything is possible. I'll never forget what we've went through together especially those tears that melts each other's hearts. love you.

Finally i went down to vivo and get my pay. Mad happy! After that train back to yishun deposit my cheque in the box outside posb. I din cross my cheque cos I don't know what the heck is that. Somemore I've nowhere to borrow a pen, so I just leave it. Hopefully I can still get the money arh. Went over to 220 there find shan & her friends. Playing babminton and slack. Dan came over at night & I had dinner with her at foodcourt, simply ordered a plate of fruits and chatted alot. Shared our thoughts and feelings. I don't wish to bottle everything up within myself but I just can't find any descriptive words to decribe how I feel. All I can say is that I'm feeling very vex and upset with my life. I've so much things to say, so much to complain about, so much tears waiting to cry out. However nothing will change after that what.. leave it to fate.

Not in good mood & seem troubled today due to the same problem again. I've made a big decision already.Don't wanna bother about the outcome. As long as all of us feel comfortable with it.
Back to today, i went to bugis window shopping with minxue :D taken lots of pictures! Lazy to upload in blogger, check it out in my FB. I wonder why the accountance haven call me for my pay? They cheat me issit. normally people get pay on 4th of the month but now 8th liao leh. Wth. Call them up soon if they don't call me.! Damn Nich**.

魔幻力量 (Magic Power) 我是誰我是誰我是:


我是谁 你是否常常这样问自己
我是谁 总是活在别人的期望里
我是谁 是谁又擅自帮你定义了
你是谁 只有不是自己才安全
为什麽 你以为这个世界很美丽
为什麽 你爱这个世界胜过爱自己
为什麽 这个世界不给你平等待遇
为什麽 到底做错了什麽
朋友都说你太 太 太奇怪
在背後把你当成笑 笑 笑话看
每一个动作都被瞎猜
他们说你是个不能容忍的存在
你想要的很 很 很简单
不过就是最普通的 的 的平凡
诚实做自己有时候很难
但是请你勇敢的试一次看看
无论他们又说什麽 闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我 没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什麽 小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的
The most beautiful
会不会 上帝把你的灵魂放错了身体
会不会 是故意整你不是不小心
会不会 你常常都觉得力不从心
会不会 坚持要做自己太危险
凭什麽 难道比较特别就是不对
凭什麽 先下了注解在认识之前
凭什麽 只不过想认真的活一遍
凭什麽 随便就把人定罪

Ranting,.

I no longer feel happy to be with you, you really don't know what i need. And you can't give me too.At the time when i wanna give up on you but i just can't bear to. I love you and at the same time hates you, so many mix feelings for you. I've done my best to compromise already but why the same problem keep appearing. And everytime it seems to be all my fault/ I deserved all your scoldings. Did you ever think about what you've done? Instead of happy, I'm feeling tired to be with you. I don't find anything common between us, & we're drifting away day by day.
I thought I know you well enough, but i was wrong all this while. My feelings aint been understood nor appreciated, because you thought that was what i ought to do..
看你微妙的变化 慢慢不同 我不是生气 只是心痛..

Burden.

I feel like we're going to sleep on the roadside or under the bridge at anytime, cos we don't have a permanent shelter. I feel like crying now. I seriously can't be bothered anymore. wtf is H.O.M.E means? Just a four letters word. There's no peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee everywhere. I can understand that with our situation we won't live happily ever after, but at least some peace can? After more than a year we're still unable to settle down,what a loser. People comes and go, so whose next? You know how much pressure you put on me? All of us suffered big time can! Who the f create money? Can't we trade things for things? Money ruin all kinds of relationship, kinship,friendship,whatever in the world. Bunch of selfish monster!Only care about yourself, I'm not your child issit? Lets see then, who will be there supporting you when your old. your baby son? Wait long long!! Don't expect a penny from us. An eye for an eye. I'll let you regret one day. Don't blame me for being realistic because you forced me to. When will i awake from this nightmare? It's like a never ending one..Am i deserve all this? I need a moment of silence now, to think about what to do next. I don't want to believe anyone of you anymore. You all disappoint me again and again until it cause a phobia on me..
Who can I turn to.......... Who can give me an answer.......Who can I believe?Who is there to help us? Even god can't.

Alice in wonderland 3D.

Watched alice in wonderland 3D with dear in the afternoon, give it a 3/5. This is my first attempt on 3D movie. Mad excited! Okay i sound so outdated like this , 3D is so common today. Then at night meet MX for dinner at sakae, her treat again =x I'm so broke now, still waiting for my cheque. Raaah! &poly orientation is 1 month+ from now, hope it forever don't come! Hate this kind of friend making session. I'm very shy okay and satisfied with the amount of friends around me already. Aiya, just don't feel like making new friends, so troublesome.My eyes hurts, due to long hours of exposing them to the computer screen. My shoulder and back was aching because I didnt sit properly. Pimples are surfacing on my forehead & attacking my face everyday.I wanna eat good food but the weather outside make me don't have appetite anymore. I wanna go back to china again,I miss my cousins. I sleep late,wake up late, had late meals, my live suddenly become all so LATE. I love my boy, but we had discord every now and then. I wanna go shop till drop but my wallet is empty. I stop growing at 163cm now i guess, and my weight continue to fall. I need a new phone so badly,magic hole. I want to go to wild wild wet as the weather is killing us & i've the voucher.Argh,what bullshit Im typing. Life without study/school is definitely better but never the best. I tried to find a PT job to keep myself occupied but to no avail. In the end i gave up on the job and return to my original position. Seriously, boredom can kill. What can i do, I feel so lost again....Sometimes I'm contented with my life, the people around me, the environment I was in. But, at times I feel so vex with everything around me. Is all human like this? Oh, im so lost. I want a doraemon or someone like Aladin to appear and guide me. Tomorrow is a mystery.

With loves,,

Went for medical check up at woodland civic centre with daphne in the noon, lunch at pizza hut.After that we train to Yishun, walk walk at northpoint, do manicure at PINC. Hate their service everything must add money, applying a quick dry cost us $2 each wtf?

Meet up with shan at 5pm+, went to her house & after that dinner together at BM etc.. had wonderful time with her!♥♥♥ Let the pictures do the talk: